Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Of Elves and Condoms...

Words Written Today: 2,000 (*cheers loudly*)

Currently Reading: Nowhere Near Respectable by Mary Jo Putney

Below is a glimpse of two of the main characters of Surprisingly Supernatural, Ellis and Emile. Emile is trying to be "helpful" but Ellis wants nothing to do with it.

     Ellis took an uncharacteristically deep pull on his beer then studied the bottle for a moment. “It looks and sounds a bit too feminine but you are correct. It tastes rather pleasant.”
     They sat in silence until Emile finally heaved a great sigh and asked, “So you want this human female?”
Startled, Ellis straightened in his chair with a look of terror shining in his eyes. “Of course not! Why would you say such a thing?”
     Emile rolled his eyes. “Because you are as clumsy as a newborn foal out for his first run when you’re around her, for one.”
     “I most certainly am not!”
     “Yes you are.”
     “I am not.”
     Exasperated, Emile blew out a slow breath. “Ellis, we have not argued like this since reaching maturity some hundreds of years past. You are not yourself. It seems to me you’ve been trying to keep this female to yourself. Not bringing her forth to the elders as you well know you should. For Freya’s sake! You branded her with your magic practically the moment you first set eyes on her! I grant you she is a curious case for a human but perhaps you are merely in need of some companionship. I haven’t seen you with a woman in years.”
     Emile tilted his head, his eyes becoming unfocused as though he were looking into the past. “In fact, I can’t remember you dating a woman or even having a night with one in decades. That is not good, my friend. We need to clear this up right away. You’ll feel much better.”
     He headed toward Ellis’s scrying mirror where it hung on the wall just inside the front door. The scrying mirror is a sort of metaphysical telephone. Fortunately there are no minutes to worry over and no bill for it’s usage for it runs on one’s own magic.  Being that the mirror utilizes both audio and visual, it’s best kept in a neutral place within one’s home. When a “call” is placed, the mirror belonging to the person being called upon will activate and show the caller everything in front of the mirror at the time. You can see why having it in the bathroom or bedroom might be ill advised.
     Of course Emile will never forget the time his mother had called upon him while he was “entertaining” a lover in the foyer. They had barely made it through the door before disrobing and traipsing all the way back to the bedroom had been out of the question. In his passion he had forgotten to cover the mirror and his mother had gotten an eye-full. Then Emile had gotten an earful of outraged maternal shouting that had prematurely ended his night.
     “What are you doing?” Ellis asked, following Emile closely with his eyes.

Emile pursed his lips then said, “Camilla or Annabell would be happy to spend an evening with you. I’m going to call and see if one… or both… are available tonight.”
     Jumping up from his seat and nearly tackling Emile in his attempt to stop him, Ellis shouted, “Gods! Are you insane! Annabell and Camilla both have been trying to get me to wed them for years! All I need is to impregnate one of them and I’ll be thoroughly trapped for eternity.”
     “So wear a condom,” Emile stated, waving his hand in dismissal of Ellis’s concern.
     “What is a condom and how will that help me? Get away from the scrying mirror, Emile. Now.”
     “The last time you were with a woman was before the invention of condoms? This is so much worse than I thought. Let me see your hands.”
     “Whyever would you want to see my hands?”
     “To see how large the calluses are.”
     Ellis pondered this for a moment before understanding Emile’s meaning. He was not impressed and his scowl said as much.
     “I assure you I have gotten along just fine. I simply grew bored of the act and ceased doing it. After several hundred years it became rather tiresome.”
     “Then you weren’t doing it correctly,” Emile stated sagely. “Now, a condom is a thin casing that covers your…” he waved his hand in the direction of Ellis’s groin, “and prevents your seed from entering the woman.” Emile turned and headed back towards the mirror.
     Ellis grabbed him by the elbow. “I do not wish to couple with either of those women tonight or any other night.”
     Emile raised his eyebrows and without judgment asked, “Then do you wish to couple with a man? I don’t believe Asher is on duty this evening.”
     “No, Emile. I do not wish the company of a man. I simply wish no company in that manner at all.”
     “If it were Elaina coming to entertain you, you would accept.”
     “Yes. No. I mean… no. Of course not.”
     Emile gave him a knowing smile and mercifully let the subject drop.

-Surprisingly Supernatural, SJ Drum