Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm Better on Paper

Have you ever heard the expression "better on paper" in reference to an author?  I have recently come to understand (and empathize) with my fellow socially inept writers who've been dubbed with the black-mark of "better on paper".

I would like to present you with the reasons I... am better on paper.
  1. I tend to repetitively stumble over simple words when speaking. *Currently trying to say "repetitively" aloud. Not going so well.*
  2. My mouth does this thing. It's unsettling for me and worse for the person(s) with whom I'm speaking. It gathers saliva. I don't know why it does this. I've tried reasoning with it, telling it to swallow normally but I guess my mouth has stage fright and forgets how to function. So this saliva builds up and I end up talking over it, around it, until it becomes noticeable and I have to make a conscious effort to swallow previously mentioned spit. Of course by this time the oddity has already been noted by the other person.
  3. My spoken words are never as eloquent as my written words. In thirty seconds I can write something that sounds educated and witty. However, given thirty minutes to prepare for an actual meeting and I end up with something like, "So... yeah. What's goin' on? Nothin'? Yeah... me too. Hot outside."

 I was once the Vice President of my Sorority in college. Did I ever mention that? No? Well, it happened. I must have been at least marginally charismatic to reach such high esteem. That entire half-decade of my life puzzles me now. Maybe the gallons of liquor and pounds of drugs are to blame for that small foray into my brief time as better-in-person.

Alas, I have been back to the better-on-paper persona for quite some time now and am looking at many many more years of the same. Do you know anyone who shares this affliction? Maybe there should be a support group.