I would like to present you with the reasons I... am better on paper.
- I tend to repetitively stumble over simple words when speaking. *Currently trying to say "repetitively" aloud. Not going so well.*
- My mouth does this thing. It's unsettling for me and worse for the person(s) with whom I'm speaking. It gathers saliva. I don't know why it does this. I've tried reasoning with it, telling it to swallow normally but I guess my mouth has stage fright and forgets how to function. So this saliva builds up and I end up talking over it, around it, until it becomes noticeable and I have to make a conscious effort to swallow previously mentioned spit. Of course by this time the oddity has already been noted by the other person.
- My spoken words are never as eloquent as my written words. In thirty seconds I can write something that sounds educated and witty. However, given thirty minutes to prepare for an actual meeting and I end up with something like, "So... yeah. What's goin' on? Nothin'? Yeah... me too. Hot outside."
I was once the Vice President of my Sorority in college. Did I ever mention that? No? Well, it happened. I must have been at least marginally charismatic to reach such high esteem. That entire half-decade of my life puzzles me now. Maybe the gallons of liquor and pounds of drugs are to blame for that small foray into my brief time as better-in-person.
Alas, I have been back to the better-on-paper persona for quite some time now and am looking at many many more years of the same. Do you know anyone who shares this affliction? Maybe there should be a support group.