If life were like fiction, everything would be terrible and amazing.
If life were like fiction, I would secretly be a superhero.
My children would be managed by a squad of nannies.
My husband would be the strong, silent type ... of the supernatural variety.
If life were like fiction, my first marriage would have been a Comedy instead of a Drama.
If life were like fiction, I'd have woken up this morning to some devastating yet revolutionary life changing event instead of the same "stop kids from crying, change kids diapers, feed kids ... repeat until bedtime."
If life were like fiction, I'd be super awesome and super sexy in some understated yet undeniable way.
I'd never have to worry about brushing my teeth in the morning.
An unattractive case of stomach cramps would never plague me.
I'd see people I knew ten years ago and it'd be totally obvious how much more successful and attractive I've become since then ... and how much hair they've lost, weight they've gained, money they haven't made etc.
If life were like fiction, time travel would be a plausible possibility and we'd all be thirty year old virgins waiting for our soul mate to come sweep us off our feet and into bed.
